Gustav Gossip, Phase 3

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A GUSTAV EVACUEE STUCK IN TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA

September 1-2, 2008

9am: wake up for breakfast and watch the news. Roll your eyes at all the people from Jefferson Parish complaining about the lack of news coverage of their area. Turn up the volume of the TV on purpose.

10am: Go back to sleep.

12pm: Wake up again. Cats may or may not be sleeping on your back. Shower, get dressed, watch the news. Make fun of McCain’s VP choice, Sarah Palin and her knocked-up daughter OR make fun of the sensationalized reporting on CNN.

2pm: Venture out for lunch. On Monday this meant going to the lame 80s-inspired Tallahassee Mall and eating decent Middle Eastern fast food. On Tuesday this meant settling for sub-par sushi at a downtown eatery, Jasmine Café. This latter location was also the unofficial headquarters for the area’s total six Obama supporters, who also enjoyed making fun of Palin.

3pm: Drive around Tallahassee looking for something, anything to do. On Monday we went to the hotel where Haz’s extended family were staying (pricier and nicer than ours); on Tuesday we drove around the FSU campus, around the state capital building, and around a skinny shaded area strangely called a park. On both days we figuratively kicked ourselves for evacuating here. Next time (and there will be a next time) we're going to Austin or Memphis or Dallas… or anywhere else.

4pm: Go back to the hotel. Watch the news. Get frustrated and read New Orleans blogs and forums online. Write ramblings for our own blog. Read. Pet the cats.

7:30pm: Go out for dinner. On Monday we went to Sahara, a Middle Eastern restaurant with Haz’s brother and family; on Tuesday we had Italian gourmet at the Olive Garden with Haz's sister and her family.

9pm-12am: Sit and talk and drink free coffee at the nicer, pricier hotel with Haz’s family, a collective total of 30 plus people. Make small talk with the Disaster Medical Assistance Team (DMAT) on hurricane "standby." Make fun of Palin and CNN reporters clinging to lamp posts in hurricane force winds. Get in trouble with the management for being too loud two nights in a row.

12am-3am: Update our blogs, watch the news, read, pet the cats, go to bed.

* This is the schedule we followed as soon as we found out that “the mother of all storms” had not hit New Orleans. We probably should’ve been celebrating that our city was not permanently damaged. But celebrating is hard to do when you’re an evacuee. Everyone feels sorry for you, including yourself, especially when your city’s mayor repeatedly tells you its not yet time to return.


THEORIES WHY BATON ROUGE IS A MORE EXCITING STATE CAPITAL THAN TALLAHASSEE*

* Many US state capital cities are insipid, soulless places. Baton Rouge and Tallahassee are no exception. Haz and I are not fans of Baton Rouge. We don't even like it a little. Like most New Orleanians, we detest BR. It generally receives all the state funding and has little personality or class to show for it. Plus, everyone is obsessed with LSU AND phony politician Bobby Jindal is King of BR. Still, BR is wayyyyyy better than Tallahassee. Here's why:

10. Baton Rouge is not part of the bible belt; Tallahassee definitely is.
9. Baton Rouge has a romantic sounding French name. Tallahassee, though probably Native American derived, sounds much more hick.
8. Baton Rouge has a very good mall. Tallahassee has two disappointing malls.
7. I would choose LSU over FSU anyday.
6. Baton Rouge has far less Jesus signs.
5. Baton Rouge has better restaurants.
4.Tallahassee isn't anywhere close to the fun things in Florida. Orlando, Miami, Tampa, and the manatees might as well be in a different country. Baton Rouge is only 1 hour from New Orleans, Lafayette, and swamps filled with friendly gators.
3. Random strangers don't try to get you to join their church in Baton Rouge. In Tallahassee, they do.
2. We didn't evacuate 20 hours to Baton Rouge.
1. Baton Rouge is much closer to New Orleans than Tallahassee. Enough said.